People who like to harshly judge what they don’t understand often think that being a submissive means being a doormat at best and abused at worse. This could not be further from the truth as pointed out in an article in Psychology Today
Rather than being weak, willingly giving up control to another person shows a profound trust in that person. Also, for many people, being out of control adds to anxiety. On the other hand, having defined expectations and consequences for not meeting those expectations gives the submissive CONTROL over his or her consequence.
For example, when I was a kid I had to be home within a few minutes of the street lights coming on. If I ignored this rule, I knew I wouldn’t be able to go outside to play the next day. Therefore, since I liked playing outside, I almost always got my ass home on time.
Flash forward. If a submissive knows that she/he will be spanked HARD if she/he speaks disrespectfully to her/his dominant and she/he speaks disrespectfully anyway, there is a certain comfort in knowing the consequence. One doesn’t have to wonder if the consequence will be the silent treatment for weeks, a yelling match, or some other punishment. Also, once the consequence is administered, all is forgiven. There are no lingering, stewing resentments that could boil over at any time.
For the above scenario, let’s assume that this is a female led relationship. The man makes some offhand and offensive comment about his Dominant’s clothing. It takes courage for a person to humble himself enough to admit he was wrong and to accept without complaint a punishment which WILL hurt, but which he has previously agreed to.
Submissives are not weak. They are people who know what they need and are not afraid to get it.